Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
