He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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