just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
