used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
