How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
