I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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