Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
