its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my shit smells like andre
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
