his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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