Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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