this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
