I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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