so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
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Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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