Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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