i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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