what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
