he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
