saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize