just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
