My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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