he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
