dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
