Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
