MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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