i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
