What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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