When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
