Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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