literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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