Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
