Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
