God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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