she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
