Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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