we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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