I will probably be peed on at some point today.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
