ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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