so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i love accidental penises.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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