2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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