You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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