What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
