Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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