I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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