First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
