South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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