I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
