Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
