Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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