WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
