Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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