Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
