I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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