I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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