It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize