Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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