wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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