Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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