She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
