did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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