Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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