i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
