Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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