Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
