East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize