So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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