he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
