I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish my penis had a tongue
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
