Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
