Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
