I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
