Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
