Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
