Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
