girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
handjob tips. give me some.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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