just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just found a bag of teeth...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
