Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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