i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
