Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
