yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
