they need to just BURY HIM!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
