You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
