You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
