great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
