Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
