so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
