And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
