Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drunk is not a location!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
