i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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