She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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