I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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