sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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