Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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